When Is the Right Time for My Child to Get a Phone?
A Real-Life Parent Guide
If you’re wondering, “Is it time for my kid to get a phone?” you’re not alone.
Friends are getting phones younger and younger. Group chats are popping off. Your kid is saying, “Everyone else has one.” And you’re stuck in the middle wondering if you’re being too strict… or not strict enough.
As therapists who work with kids, teens, and lots of neurodivergent young people, we don’t want you to make this decision based on pressure or guilt. We want you to make it based on readiness.
Why this question really matters
You’ve probably seen the headlines about phones and mental health. They’re not just clickbait.
One large study of young adults (ages 18–24) found that those who got a smartphone before age 13 were more likely to report things like...
...compared to peers who got phones at 13 or later.
That doesn’t mean “phone = doom.” But it does mean timing and readiness matter. A lot.
At Be A Problem Solver, we call this “pioneer parenting.” We’re the first generation raising kids who have never known life without smartphones, social media, AI, and constant notifications. There’s no playbook from our parents for this.
So the “when” and “how” of giving a phone isn’t just a tech decision. It’s a developmental decision.
What the research is really saying
A few key things to keep in mind:
So it’s not just about the number of hours. It’s about:
And that’s where you, as the parent, come in.
What your role as the parent
You’re not just a “phone police officer” or a powerless bystander.
Your role is to guide how this device fits into your child’s emotional, social, and executive-function development, not just hand it over and hope for the best.
Think of yourself as the coach, not the tech support.
A simple framework for deciding: “Is my child ready for a phone?”
Here’s a practical, parent-friendly way to think through the decision.
Special considerations for neurodivergent kids
If your child is autistic, has ADHD, or struggles with executive functioning, this decision needs even more care.
Executive function challenges
- If impulsivity, distraction, and trouble with planning are already tough, a smartphone can pour fuel on that fire.
- Instant access to games, texts, social media, and endless scrolling can make it harder for them to stay on track.
Social-emotional differences
- Reading tone, intent, or sarcasm through text can be hard.
- They may be more vulnerable to misunderstandings, online conflict, or feeling rejected.
Sensory and emotional regulation
- Phones can become an “escape hatch” or numbing tool when kids feel overwhelmed.
- They might start using the phone to shut down instead of learning other coping skills.
In these cases, it’s completely reasonable to:
- Delay giving a full smartphone
- Start with a simpler phone or limited access
- Hold off on social media
- Only allow use during certain times or in certain places
You’re not being “mean.” You’re tailoring the environment to your child’s nervous system.
How our free “Before My Phone” course can help
At Be A Problem Solver Services, we created a free course called “Before My Phone: Preparing Your Child for Their First Phone.” It’s in our online store and designed for parents and kids to go through together before the phone shows up.
Inside, you’ll walk through:
The course lines up with the ideas we talk about in our blog posts: phones should be thoughtfully integrated, not just dropped into a kid’s life and hoped for the best.
We also offer a free Media Mindfulness Family Plan in our store, which helps families:
A quick readiness checklist
Use this as a gut-check before saying yes.
If you can honestly say yes to most of these, you’re probably closer to ready. If not, it’s okay to pause and work on the “no” items first.
- We know why our child needs a phone now
Yes – We’ve named clear reasons (safety, communication, logistics, etc.).
No – It mostly feels like “everyone else has one.” - Our child shows basic emotional self-regulation Yes – They can handle “no,” frustration, and peer conflict without total meltdown every time. No – Big reactions are still the norm.
- Our child shows some executive-function skills Yes – They can finish homework, follow routines, and delay some impulses. No – They constantly need us to be their brain.
- We’ve created clear boundaries together Yes – We’ve talked about tech-free zones, curfews, and expectations. No – We haven’t really hashed this out as a family yet.
- We’re ready to monitor and adjust Yes – We’re willing to check in regularly, look at how it’s going, and make changes. No – We’re hoping to just hand it over and not think about it much.
- We’re comfortable delaying if things go sideways Yes – If we see problems with sleep, mood, school, or social life, we’re prepared to pause or pull back. No – We’d feel stuck or guilty taking it away.
If you have several “no” answers, that’s not a failure. It’s useful information. You’ve just identified where to focus before adding a phone into the mix.
Final thoughts
There is no magic age where every kid is suddenly ready for a phone.
But there are better and worse ways to make this decision.
When you look at:
…you’re already doing something powerful. You’re choosing intention over impulse.
Giving your child a smartphone when they’re truly ready, with clear expectations and ongoing conversations, means you’re not just giving them a device. You’re giving them a framework for using that device in a healthy way.
Ready for next steps?
You’re not behind.
You’re not “the only strict parent.”
You’re a pioneer raising kids in a tech-saturated world - and you’re allowed to go slowly and thoughtfully.
You’ve got this.
Sources:
https://abcnews.go.com/GMA/Family/kids-smartphones-age-13-worse-mental-health-outcomes/story?id=123961082
https://www.psychiatrist.com/news/how-young-is-too-young-for-a-smartphone/
https://www.hopkinsmedicine.org/health/wellness-and-prevention/social-media-and-mental-health-in-children-and-teens
Offices in Cary, Chapel Hill, and Fuquay Varina, NC