Raising Calm Kids: Why Co-Regulation Matters
Did you know that Co-Regulation and Self-Regulation are prevention tools?
Parenting is a beautiful, messy journey filled with joy, challenges, and countless learning opportunities for both you and your child. One of the most important skills children develop in early childhood is the ability to manage their emotions, also known as self-regulation. But before kids can self-regulate on their own, they first learn how through co-regulation. That's where parents come in. Regulation skills are preventive tools that reduce the risk of mental health and behavioral issues and behavioral issues and increase social relationships and resilience.
What is Self-Regulation?
Self-regulation is a child’s ability to manage their emotions, behaviors, and body movements in response to a situation. It helps them stay calm when they’re frustrated, take turns during play, or walk instead of running in a hallway.
But self-regulation doesn’t come naturally. It’s a skill that’s learned over time, and even adults sometimes struggle with it! For kids, especially younger ones, this development happens gradually and requires guidance, modeling, and support.
What is Co-Regulation?
Co-regulation is the process by which caregivers help children learn to manage their emotions and behavior. It involves warm, responsive interactions where the adult helps the child feel safe, seen, and soothed.
In simple terms: You help regulate your child before they can regulate themselves.
This might look like:
Why Co-Regulation Matters
When children are upset, overwhelmed, or overstimulated, they often don’t have the tools to calm themselves down. That’s when your presence, patience, and support can help them return to a place of calm. Over time, through repeated co-regulation experiences, they learn:
These experiences form the foundation for self-regulation skills as they grow older.
Tips for Parents
Final Thoughts
Helping your child learn to manage their emotions doesn’t mean fixing every problem or avoiding all upsets. It means walking alongside them with empathy, modeling calm, and creating a safe space for growth. Co-regulation isn’t always easy - but it’s incredibly powerful.
And remember: You’re not just raising a child. You’re raising a future adult who will one day thank you for teaching them how to handle life’s big feelings with grace and resilience.
Free Emotional Wheel: A Helpful Tool for Trauma Recovery
A Wheel of Emotions is a visual tool that helps individuals identify and understand their feelings by categorizing emotions into broader sections, with more specific emotions listed within each category.
For children who have experienced trauma or are in therapy, it can be especially helpful in pinpointing and expressing complex emotions that may be hard to articulate. Trauma often leaves children feeling overwhelmed, and the emotional wheel provides a simple way to recognize and name their feelings. By using this tool, children can build emotional literacy, which is crucial for processing trauma and improving communication. It empowers them to better understand and manage their emotions, supporting their healing journey. We've created our own Wheel of Emotions for you to download and print, free of charge, so you can start using it at home to support your child's emotional growth.
Offices in Cary, Chapel Hill, and Fuquay Varina, NC