A Therapist’s Take on Building New Habits in the New Year

A Therapist’s Take on Building New Habits in the New Year

As a new year begins, your screen will likely be filled with posts telling you how to improve, transform, or completely overhaul your life. Before you get swept into all the noise, I want to offer a gentler, more grounded perspective on goal setting and how to create new meaningful habits within your family and personal life. We love to believe motivation is the secret to building new habits — but as a therapist, I can tell you this:

Motivation is a mood, not a plan.

It spikes when life feels calm, exciting, or new…and disappears the moment you’re tired, stressed, overwhelmed, or human.

So if you’ve been starting strong and falling off? It’s not a character flaw. It’s your nervous system doing what it does: conserving energy and avoiding overwhelm. And if you have ADHD/autism/anxiety in the house (kids or parents), here’s the extra truth:

Habits aren’t built by “trying harder.” They’re built by reducing friction.
(Translation: we’re not building character. We’re building a system.)

So let’s talk about what actually works.

1. Keep It So Small It’s Almost Funny

Your brain doesn’t want a 30-day overhaul - it wants a tiny, doable win.

Remember: Small = sustainable and sustainable = successful. And for a lot of brains, the real win isn’t “doing the thing”… it’s starting the thing. If you practice starting, the rest gets easier.

2. The Executive Function Shortcut: Reduce Friction (Not Willpower)

If a habit requires executive functioning you don’t have that day, it won’t happen. So instead of asking, “How do I get more disciplined?” try: “How do I make this easier to start?”

Try these quick Executive Functioning supports:

3. Discipline Isn’t Harsh — It’s Steady

Forget the “push harder” version of discipline. Healthy discipline says: I’ll show up today, even if it’s tiny. The goal isn’t perfection, it’s consistency.

4. Pair New Habits With Old Routines

Your brain loves patterns, use them to your advantage.

Stack it. Repeat it. Let it stick.

5. Nervous System First: You Can’t Habit Your Way Out of Burnout

If you’re living in chronic stress, your brain isn’t being lazy. It’s being protective. When your nervous system is in survival mode, habits can feel like threats.

Pause and ask yourself:

Sometimes the most powerful “new habit” is: an earlier bedtime, less over-scheduling, more recovery time after “fun” things.

6. The Family Version: Build Habits That Don’t Rely on One Parent’s Brain

If the habit only works when you remember, plan, and enforce it, it’s not a habit. It’s a job. Make it a family habit by adding:

The result? Less mental load on one person and more actual follow-through for everyone.

7. Expect Imperfection (and Have a Reset Plan)

You are going to miss days, and that's okay. It doesn't mean you've failed; it means you're building a habit in real life. Perfectionism is the enemy of habits, so a solid reset plan is the antidote.

Try this reset script:

Your plan shouldn’t be “never miss.” Your plan should be “restart quickly.” Curiosity beats shame every time.

Your brain gets dopamine when you notice progress. Don’t skip that part. Take a moment to celebrate the tiny win.

The Bottom Line

Motivation gets you excited, discipline gets you consistent, but self-compassion gets you results.

You don’t need to overhaul your entire life, you need small steps that your nervous system actually trusts. And if you’re reading this thinking, “My brain doesn’t do habits like other people’s brains,” you’re not broken.

You might just need a plan built for your nervous system, your executive functioning, and your real life.

Ready to Take the Next Step?

At Be A Problem Solver Services, our therapists specialize in helping children, teens, and adults navigate anxiety, ADHD, executive functioning challenges, family stress, and the everyday ups and downs of life. Whether you’re seeking therapy for yourself, your child, or your family, our team offers a compassionate, nonjudgmental space to begin.

 Learn more or request an appointment at www.beaproblemsolverservices.com

Download our free holiday gathering guide to help prepare your child for upcoming events, parties, or gatherings. This printable will spark conversation about who will be there, things to do there, where to go when a break is needed, and words or phrases to use when overwhelmed.

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