When Is the Right Time for My Child to Get a Phone? A Parent’s Guide

Articles, Parenting Tips, Tech Moderation

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November 4, 2025

When Is the Right Time for My Child to Get a Phone? A Parent’s Guide

As a parent (and therapist) you may be asking: When is the right time to give my child a smartphone? With peer pressure mounting, friends getting phones younger and younger, and “everyone else has it” dynamics swirling, it can feel like you're constantly behind the curve. But as a therapist working with kids, teens and neuro-divergent young people, I want to help you make a decision based on readiness, not just age or external pressure.

Why this question matters

You’ve likely heard the headlines: children who get phones too early may face higher risk of mental-health challenges down the road. For example, a recent large-scale study found that young adults aged 18-24 who received a smartphone before age 13 were more likely to report suicidal thoughts, emotional detachment, low self-worth and aggression compared to peers who got phones at 13 or later.
 
In our own work at Be A Problem Solver, we describe parenting in the digital age as “pioneer parenting” — we’re the first generation raising children who’ve never known life without smartphones, group chats, social media and AI-powered apps. That means the decision about “if/when” and “how” a phone is introduced has more developmental stakes than ever.

Important findings to keep in mind

Here are some key research insights for you:

  • The study mentioned above found a clear pattern: the younger the age of first smartphone ownership, the worse reported mental-health outcomes in early adulthood.
  • The researchers did not claim simply “screen time hours = bad” in isolation; rather, early access appears to shift exposure to online social pressures, cyber-risks, sleep disruption, and family-relationship impacts.
  • Another relevant point: research on social media in younger children shows excessive or addictive patterns are associated with depression, anxiety, sleep problems and worse emotional regulation.
  • From your own “Media Mindfulness” blog post, we emphasize that it’s not only about how much screen time, but how technology is used: the purpose, boundaries, and digital citizenship matter.

What your role as parent looks like

From our “Pioneer Parent” piece:

“We’re googling things like ‘what is a Finsta’ and ‘is Discord safe for 10-year-olds.’”

And:

“Kids are old enough to use tech independently but not always equipped to navigate the emotions, decisions, and risks that come with it.”

In short: You’re not a passive bystander. Your active role consists of guiding how the phone fits into your child’s emotional, social and executive-function development, rather than simply handing over the device.

A decision-making framework for giving a phone

Here’s a practical, developmentally informed set of questions to empower you (the parent), and your child, to decide when a phone is appropriate.

  • What is the purpose?

    Ask: Why does your child need a phone now? Is it for safety (check-in), social connection, academic access, or entertainment? In our “Media Mindfulness” plan we emphasise helping kids and families decide the purpose of technology.

    If the primary answer is “because everyone else has one,” pause and explore: what are the risks, what will this allow, and what boundaries will you set?
  • Is your child developmentally ready?

    Consider:

    Emotional regulation: Can your child handle frustration, peer conflict, and mistakes (e.g., social media slip-ups) without large escalations?

    Executive function: Can your child delay impulses (e.g., “just one more scroll”), prioritise homework, and self-monitor screen use?

    Social-emotional maturity: Are they able to reflect on online behaviour, manage friendships, and understand privacy and digital citizenship?

    Age alone doesn’t determine readiness, but research tells us under age 13 introduces greater risk. Given the global data, delaying ownership until at least age 13 (and preferably beyond) gives the developing brain more time to build foundational skills. 
  • What boundaries, conditions and supervision will you set?

    Create tech-free zones (dinner table, bedrooms) and tech curfews.

    Define the role of the phone: safety first, then connection, then entertainment.

    Set collaborative rules with your child (so they feel ownership).

    Model the behavior: Kids may not always do what we say, but they are always watching what we do.
  • Have a trial, not just a gift

    Consider this: Introduce the device with a trial period, clear expectations, and review checkpoints. For example: “We’ll have this phone for three months under these conditions. We’ll meet monthly to review how it’s going: sleep, mood, screen use, relationships.”

    If issues arise (sleep problems, mood dips, attention problems, interpersonal struggles) you may choose to pull back or impose stricter boundaries.
  • Prepare for mistakes — and learn from them

    No child comes with a built-in user manual for phones. Make room for mistakes… Kids will click on things they shouldn’t. They’ll overshare. They’ll fall for trends. The goal isn’t perfection. It’s learning.

    Prepare for slip-ups: oversleeping after late night phone use, peer conflict via group chats, accidental exposure to inappropriate content. Use these moments to talk, coach and reset—not shame.

Special considerations for neurodivergent kids / executive-functioning difficulties

If your child has ADHD, is autistic or has executive function struggles, you’ll want to pay extra attention to how a phone might magnify existing vulnerabilities.

  • Executive function: If delay of gratification, impulse control or planning are already areas of challenge, a smartphone with instant contact, social media, gaming can increase distraction and impulsivity.
  • Social-emotional: Peer relationship challenges, social anxiety, or difficulty interpreting online cues may make group chats and social media more complicated.
  • Sensory / emotional regulation: A smartphone may become an escape or dysregulation tool (scrolling to shut down stress), so establishing healthy alternatives is vital. In these cases, delaying phone ownership until a bit later, or restricting features (no social media initially, only access during approved times) are reasonable strategies.

How our free “Before My Phone” course fits

At Be A Problem Solver Services we created a free course called “Before My Phone: Preparing Your Child for Their First Phone” (available in our online store). This course is designed to help you and your child explore key topics before handing over the device:

  • What is the purpose of the phone in your family’s digital ecosystem?
  • What are your family’s values when it comes to technology (e.g., kindness online, being a good digital citizen, knowing the right time and place to use technology)?
  • What boundaries will we set, and how will we review them?
  • What signals or red flags will prompt a boundary review or pause?

The course aligns with the core ideas from our blog posts: helping families thoughtfully integrate devices rather than default to giving them.

Our free Media Mindfulness Family Plan covers topics such as deciding the purpose of technology, how to respect it, being kind online and practicing digital citizenship. It also emphasizes knowing the right time and place to use technology, as well as personal accountability in digital spaces.

We’re choosing our battles carefully, knowing that the tech-landscape is always changing the goal: raising kids who are not just tech-savvy but emotionally grounded, kind and confident in who they are.

So: if you’re at that “phone decision crossroads,” this free course is a handy bridge, helping you and your child arrive at the moment of phone ownership with greater clarity, alignment, and confidence.

Practical checklist for your decision

Here’s a simple table you can give parents:

Question

If answer is yes, you’re closer

If answer is no, pause and work first

Do we know why the phone is needed now (safety, communication, social)?

✔

❌ – Explore reason further

Does the child show reliable emotional self-regulation (managing frustration, peer conflict)?

✔

❌ – Build this skill further

Does the child show executive-function skills (delay impulses, stick to homework, plan ahead)?

✔

❌ – Build this skill further

Have we co-created boundaries together (phone curfews, tech-free zones, agreed expectations)?

✔

❌ – Do a family meeting

Are we ready to monitor, review and adjust (trial period, check-in, learn from mistakes)?

✔

❌ – Plan this process first

Do we feel comfortable delaying phone ownership if issues arise (sleep, mood, attention, social problems)?

✔

❌ – Consider pausing before giving phone

Final thoughts

There’s no “one size fits all” age when every child should get a phone. But there are strong reasons grounded in developmental science and mental-health research to proceed with intention, not impulse. If you hand over a smartphone when your child is truly ready (emotionally, socially, executive-function-wise), with clear purpose and boundaries, you’re not just giving a device, you’re guiding your child into a healthier digital life.

And if you’re wondering where to start, consider our free “Before My Phone” course. It’s built to help parents like you step confidently into the phone decision, aligned with your values, supporting your child’s growth, and minimising risk. Because when it comes to raising kids in a tech-saturated world, you’re not behind, you’re leading.

Ready for next steps?

You’ve got this. Parenting in the digital age is challenging, but with curiosity, intention and collaboration, you’ll do far more than just manage tech. You’ll help your child thrive.

Sources: 

https://abcnews.go.com/GMA/Family/kids-smartphones-age-13-worse-mental-health-outcomes/story?id=123961082

https://www.psychiatrist.com/news/how-young-is-too-young-for-a-smartphone/

https://www.hopkinsmedicine.org/health/wellness-and-prevention/social-media-and-mental-health-in-children-and-teens


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